First Light
by CellarDoor717
Summary: Bella has questions about Alice's past. How was Alice able to control her bloodlust when she was a newborn? This takes place during Breaking Dawn, before the wedding. All normal pairings.
1. Midnight

I was sitting next to Edward on the couch in Alice's bedroom. I had never been in Alice and Jasper's room before now, but right when I had walked in, I was astounded by the beauty of it. The walls were a navy blue and the furniture was all white, and looked very old, almost antique. The bedspread and the picture frames lining the walls were a shimmery silver color. It reminded me of nighttime. The dark blue and the silver looked just like the sky and the moon, and the room itself seemed to give off a feeling of peace and serenity.

Alice was facing us, sitting cross-legged on the bed. Her back was straight and she had a serious look to her face, but there was also an enthusiasm that she just couldn't quite keep to herself. A book, that resembled a photo album, sat right in front of her. Edward, Alice, and I (mostly Edward and Alice) were debating which flowers we wanted at the wedding. Normally I kept under the radar as far as wedding planning went. I had agreed to go along with it and given Alice free reign completely, but such things as flowers, she insisted, were too important for me not to be involved. And Edward agreed. Apparently there were many things "too important" for her to choose alone. Already, in that day alone, I had chosen all of the food to have at the wedding, including the cake. I had told Alice that she could choose whatever sounded good, but that had put her on a rant beginning with the fact that she couldn't taste the food and didn't even remember what human food tasted, and ending with the same "Bella, don't you love me?" pout.

"I think that we should go very classic, roses and baby's breath, maybe? What about you Edward?" Alice spoke suddenly, flipping through the flower book.

"Roses are good, I would prefer freesia though." Edward replied thoughtfully. I was tuning out this conversation, instead letting my eyes wander around the room.

"What do you think Bella?" Alice's voice chimed. I was studying the pictures on the walls, but I couldn't see them very well from where I was on the couch. Quickly, I thought of a sufficient answer.

"Yeah, roses would be nice, but freesias should definitely be included." I offered. Alice, knowing that I would not be giving much more input on the subject, continued to flip through the flower book, pausing every now and then to ask Edward about colors or arrangements or something else that I wanted absolutely no part in.

It was then that Jasper waltzed in, smiling serenely. Suddenly the room felt almost ten times calmer than it had before. Alice looked up from the book and smiled at him.

"We should take a break," she sighed, slamming the book shut. Edward chucked at her thoughts while Jasper sat on the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her petite frame. I was still looking at the pictures across the room.

I wondered briefly if they held any stories about Alice's past. I remembered Edward telling me that Alice had no memory of her human life. She had simply woken up like she is now. I wondered about how she had controlled her bloodlust after waking up. I knew that her creator had been killed by James, so who was there to tell her what she was, and that she had to control herself? Nobody. I was instantly grateful that I had all seven of the Cullen's to help me and to keep me under control, but I still felt anxious.

"Are you okay Bella?" Jasper said. Of course, I had disrupted his calm atmosphere, and he had easily been able to tell that my thoughts were somewhere else. His question had taken me off guard.

"Yeah, um, I'm fine." I said, trying to make myself feel calm to match the atmosphere. Jasper smiled as though I had just told a somewhat funny joke that he had heard before a few times before. Edward smiled as well, but eyed me curiously. He was probably frustrated that he couldn't hear my thoughts.

"You know that I can tell when you're lying to me Bella. Why so anxious?" Jasper said. The calmness to his voice and of the room made me relax, almost to the point of sleep, and I told him what I was thinking without a second thought.

"I was just thinking about when I'm a vampire."

"Nervous about being changed?" Alice questioned, her face showing concern.

"Not really. More like—"

"The first year?" Jasper offered, smiling softly.

"Yeah. About my bloodlust. I was feeling thankful that I'll have all of you to help me through it. But I was also thinking about Alice, I mean, she had no one there to help her, right?" Alice didn't look shocked that I'd brought her into this conversation. Her facial expression hardly changed, in fact, if anything, she simply looked thoughtful and she nodded her head.

"That's right, I woke up alone." Her face was expressionless, but her eyes looked reminiscent. She smiled sadly, as though thinking about her past was painful, and she sighed, remembering.

"But then how did you do it? How did you control yourself?" I kept questioning her, feeling that I should be as honest as possible with my questions.

"She's right Alice," Edward spoke from beside me. "It's remarkable that you could control yourself, not even knowing what you were or why you were there." Alice smiled at the compliment.

"Well, my visions were very helpful. I probably couldn't have done it without them, she replied modestly, still smiling.

I must have looked confused because then Jasper said, "Alice, you should probably tell Bella what you mean." She looked up at him and they had a quick, silent conversation before Alice looked back at me.

"Okay, I'll tell you how I did it. The story might help you with your own self control," she said matter-of-factly. I was excited now. I could tell that this would be an interesting story, one that I've been curious about for a while. She took a deep breath, Edward nodded at her, and Jasper stayed perfectly still, relaxing everybody.


	2. Blinding Sun

"The very first memory I have is of looking into a pair of black eyes," she began, and I was already confused. Hadn't she woken up alone? She continued speaking, not looking at me, but off into space. "They were intense and hurt. And beautiful. And then I saw his entire face, his blond hair and the paper white skin. I heard his name inside my head. Jasper." Now I realized that this hadn't happened yet. Alice's first memory was a vision. "And I knew that he was looking for me and that I had to find him soon, because he needed me." She smiled again, this time at Jasper. He was smiling too, but in a sheepish way, almost as though he was embarrassed to be put into the spotlight so quickly.

"And then I woke up. The first thing I did was open my eyes, and the first thing that I saw was the sun. It was so bright and it shocked me. The only thing I knew was Jasper, and before him, there was only darkness. Then I opened my eyes all of the way and saw that I was laying on my back in a clearing in the middle of a very dense forest. I stayed like that for a little while, confused, and thinking about Jasper. I expected memories to come flooding back to me as though I'd just forgotten them, but there was nothing there, just the darkness." Alice sighed sadly again, and Jasper pulled her closer.

"You okay?" he said softly.

"Yeah, I just don't think about it very often, but when I do," her voice trailed off. Jasper nodded slowly.

"So then I sat up," she continued with the story, "and I heard everything, every animal in the woods, and the stream that was nearby, I could hear it all so clearly, I felt like I'd been asleep for years. And I smelled everything too, just the animals though, there were no humans nearby. So it was simply like waking up for the first time, it was refreshing. I wasn't scared, just mildly confused. I didn't become scared until the strange things started to happen. The first one was my skin. I hadn't gotten a clear look at it until I was sitting up all of the way, and when I saw it, glittering like it was, it scared me. It also felt hard. And cold, like I'd been frozen." I had never seen Alice in the sunlight, like I had seen Edward, but I imagined she would looked just as beautiful, like a diamond. Edward was laughing now.

"What?" I asked him.

"Her thoughts, they're funny. When she saw her skin, she jumped up and ran into the shadows as fast as she could, I don't know if I've ever seen Alice run that fast." he chuckled. Alice laughed too, and tried to defend herself.

"Well I was scared! I sat in the shadows thinking that my skin glittering like that couldn't possibly been normal, and running so fast like I just had, that definitely wasn't normal either. And then I realized that I didn't even know what normal was. I had never seen anything that looked remotely like myself before, except Jasper, and his skin certainly hadn't been glittering. So I sat there, refusing to go back in the sunlight, but at that moment, I smelled it. Not a human, I smelled a deer, and before I could even think, I ran. I ran, and I killed the deer, then drank it's blood. It was so wonderful, I just had to have more, so I ran all around the forest for hours, keeping close to the clearing, so that I could go back to it, and I hunted." I looked at her, confused, and yet enthralled by her story.

"It's very normal for a newborn to go on a hunting spree right after being changed," Edward said to me, "When it happens to you, we'll all take you out hunting, first thing." I nodded, and then looked at Alice, nodding for her to continue telling her story.

"When I was finished hunting, I returned to the clearing. The sun was low and there were shadows all around. My skin wasn't glittering as much and I had just fed, so I was relatively stable. But I was still scared. Was it normal to be killing animals like that? Drinking their blood? I had just done it on instinct, I couldn't stop myself, but it didn't feel natural. For a long time I sat in the clearing and thought. I wondered who I was. I could tell that my hair was short and black. I wondered why it was so short, but I didn't wonder for long because no matter how long I wondered I knew the answer would never come to me. I was wearing a white gown, but my skin was still whiter than it and my feet were bare. Then I thought of something that I'd never even considered before, my name." I felt my eyebrows rise in shock. Alice didn't even remember her own name. But then why was she Alice? How did she know that Alice was her middle name from when she was a human, from when she was Mary Alice Brandon?

"I kept thinking about my name," she continued. "I thought, well, if I don't have one, I'll just have to make one up. But I didn't know any real names, just Jasper, and I couldn't be named Jasper too." She laughed at this. "Then, while I was thinking, I ran my fingers through my hair and I saw it. I saw a metal bracelet around my left wrist. It was a chain with a circular piece of metal attached to it. This piece of metal had words on it, but I couldn't read them because they were old and had been scratched away and faded. The only word I could read was Alice, my middle name, of course I didn't know that then, so that was my name, Alice." she had been looking at her hands, but after saying this, she grinned at me, Edward was smiling too. I hadn't realized that my mouth had formed into a smile, this story made me happy, but I had a feeling that the story wouldn't stay happy for long. That's when Alice's face went back to serious.

"Now that I had a name, I felt like I should leave the clearing, and set out to find Jasper. There was nothing here for me. All I wanted was Jasper. He was the only thing in this world. My mind returned to him and the vision. I said to myself, 'I'm going to head this direction now,' just going in a random direction. Instantly I got a vision of myself traveling, but there was no Jasper. I did this until my visions showed him again. Now I had a direction, and I had a goal, so I started to travel, not taking a second look at the clearing.

"I hunted a lot on my way. I didn't know exactly when I would find him, but I was sure that I was going in the right direction. Mostly I stayed in the forest but once on my way north I passed a small town. I could easily smell the human blood, I had never smelled anything like it, but I didn't attack. For some reason I had an unexplainable fear that I would get in trouble, that I would get caught and taken away. Then there was no way I could see Jasper. And even if I didn't attack, they would see my glittering skin which I was still unsure about, so I stayed in the forest, watching the humans from afar, trying to figure out if I belonged with them or not.

"When night fell I walked into the town. I started walking along the sidewalk. The smell was killing me. I assumed that they were struggling just as I was. After all, they looked the most like me than any creatures I had ever seen, except their skin didn't glitter. I didn't attack, but I wanted too. I didn't see them attacking each other, and I thought that to fit in, I should do what they did. My head was spinning. And it didn't help that they were all giving me strange looks. I realized it was probably because of my clothes. No one else was wearing a funny white gown like I was, so I walked into a clothing shop, where I saw clothes like the humans were wearing. I picked out a pair of jeans and a really cute top," she gushed, "and then I went into a dressing room." Jasper grinned and Edward started laughing.

"This is where the fashion obsession starts." Edward said. Alice smiled and laughed with him.

"That top was extremely cute!" she said. "Anyways, I walked into the dressing room and looked in the mirror for the first time. I was stunned. I definitely did not fit in with the humans around here. I was just so, so," she faltered, "pretty. It was strange, and it looked almost unnatural. The only person I could compare this to was Jasper, our only difference was in our eyes. Mine were bright crimson. I thought, if we're not humans, then what are we? Are we _supposed_ to eat humans? I decided right then that I didn't want to, but I wanted to find others that were like me, and like Jasper. Then I had another vision. In this one I saw a family. There were two females, and three males. They were hunting. I watched as the biggest male killed a bear. His name was Emmett. There was also Rosalie, his wife. The older two, Carlisle and Esme were also married. And there was another male, Edward. I saw his eyes, and they 

were golden." I smiled and looked up at Edward, into his golden eyes, and he looked down at me and nodded softly. Alice continued with her story.

"That was one of the strongest visions I'd had so far, and I wasn't used to it. When I woke up I was on the ground," she said, giggling, "I left that dressing room in a daze, confused about my visions. I went up to the cash register and put the clothes down. There was a girl behind the counter." Alice's voice became throaty and hollow, the way humans sound before they cry, "She asked me for money, but I didn't have any. She didn't think that I'd heard her, so she leaned forward to ask me louder. But she never did get around to asking me." Alice paused here. Her eyes were wide and traumatized. Jasper's eyes too, had a hard edge to them, like anger, but also guilt. "I killed her before knowing that I had done it, I had forgotten everything, I just wanted her blood, and the taste was so incredible. I was inexperienced. The rest of the people in the store screamed and tried to run out, but I didn't want to get in trouble, and I especially wanted more blood. So I killed them as they tried to leave the store. They didn't know what had happened, and I hardly knew what I was doing either, I just did it." she looked up at me now, and it frightened me. "My self control's not completely perfect after all." she whispered.

"There were only four people left in the store," she said slowly. "They didn't try and run though. They tried to hide. I could smell them easily, of course. It was a family. Two parents and two children. The parents were trying to protect their children. They knew it was coming, and all they tried to do was protect their children. It reminded me of the family I'd seen in my latest vision, the Cullens. One of the children in the clothing shop had blond hair. I was instantly reminded of Jasper. I wanted Jasper to be with me, especially when I found this family, and this pulled me into another vision. I was sitting in a family room. The yellow-eyed family sat there too. Jasper was next to me with his arm around me. I looked into his eyes, which were the same yellow color. I was laughing along with the rest of the family, and I felt so happy. When the vision disappeared, and I was back in the clothing store, the family was exactly like I had left them, too scared to move. I realized that I didn't want to kill them. I wanted to be with Jasper and the Cullen's. I wanted to feel happy like I had in the vision, so I looked at them and said to them, 'I am so sorry,' and then I turned around and left, taking the clothes with me." We all sat in silence for a minute. Alice's story had become terrible and sad. I concentrated on breathing slowly and normally.

"I didn't want human blood anymore. I felt awful about myself. I thought that if the Cullens could resist human blood, I should be able to as well, but I hadn't. I felt weak. From then on, I only fed off of animals, and within about a year, my eyes started to turn the same shade of yellow as the Cullen's. I avoided humans completely and told myself that I had to start a life, by finding Jasper, and then the Cullens, and that along the way, I would not drink human blood. The Cullens didn't do it, so I didn't either. I wanted to belong with them.


	3. Moonlight

"It took me a while to find Jasper. I didn't know how to use my visions perfectly, and whenever he moved, I had to go that direction as well. Whenever I stopped traveling I would sit and watch the future. I learned what I could about Jasper and the Cullens.

"I don't know exactly how much time had passed, but one day after a hunt, my visions told me to continue north, and then go into a diner and stop. I found the diner quickly, and went inside to wait. I knew that Jasper would be crossing along this path, and if I just stayed where I was, he would come to me. I also knew from my visions that when this happened, it would be raining." I recognized this story from Jasper when he told us about his own past. It made me feel happy inside, hearing it from Alice. It made me feel like they were true soul mates.

"I felt okay about human blood now. Not perfect, but okay. I talked to the woman behind the counter. I had to hold my breath most of the time, but luckily the smell of human food did some to mask the blood," Alice laughed, the story was becoming more cheerful, " I don't know how many times that woman asked me if I wanted some coffee. It must have looked weird. I waited in that diner for exactly one week without ordering a thing. When the diner closed, I sat outside, just in case he came by." I never realized Alice had waited that long. Of course, once you're a vampire, patience becomes easier; you have all of eternity, after all.

"On the seventh day of sitting in the diner, it began to rain outside. I got really excited, I knew that today was the day I would finally meet Jasper, who'd always been somewhere in my mind ever since that first vision. When he finally walked through the door, I was ecstatic. I'd been envisioning this moment since I had woken up and it was finally happening. Without even considering that I might scare him, I walked right over to him, and said the first thing that popped into my head. 'You've kept me waiting a long time.'" Jasper turned her lightly on the bed so that they were looking into each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry, ma'am." he said with his Southern accent showing through. She held her hand out to him, and he took it. For a long moment, they looked into each other's eyes, not saying a word.

"I felt so happy, and not just the happiness that I had felt in my vision. This was true happiness, because it was real. I'd been waiting to meet you for so long, and it had finally happened." she sighed.

"We left the diner then," continued Jasper, joining in on the story. "We walked around the forest near there, and Alice told me about her visions and about the Cullens. I hardly knew her yet, and yet I was fascinated by her."

"I hardly knew you either, the real you, and yet my visions made me feel like I'd known you my whole life." Alice said looking at him, starry-eyed.

"We searched for the Cullens together. Alice told me about feeding off of animals and not humans. I saw a whole new light, a whole new reason for living. I told her about my power, and that it was difficult to feed off of humans because of it, that's why my eyes were so dark. I had been fasting. We continued traveling west, the direction Alice's visions had told her we would find the Cullens, and along the way, I fell in love with her," Jasper's smile was radiant as he held Alice close.

Alice picked up the story where he had left off. "When we found the Cullens, again I was ecstatic. I think they might've been kind of scared of us, mostly because I knew a lot about them already, and Jasper had all of his scars." Edward nodded to her.

"We were trying to be very cautious around you at first. We didn't know how much Alice knew about us already, but, they seemed keen to join into our coven, and Jaspers ability really helped us warm up to him better." Alice spoke now.

"So then we moved in."

"Got married." Jasper said.

"And have been with us ever since," Edward finished, "Alice and Jasper became my best friends."

Alice beamed at him, "So you see, Bella, my self control was certainly not flawless. It was part luck, the fact that I woke up far away from where any humans were living, and my visions. If I could do it though, without much help at all, then you'll be fine," she reassured me with a smile.

"Thanks Alice. For telling me your story. I'd always been curious about how you did it." Alice's story had definitely made me feel better about the bloodlust I would be feeling in just a few short weeks. I yawned.

"We should get you home Bella," Edward said, "Don't want Charlie to worry." I nodded, and got up from the couch.

As we were exiting the room I heard Jasper say quietly, "Yes, thank you Alice." She must have looked confused because he then said, "For finding me, right when I needed you."

"Well, you were looking for me." she replied softly.

"But I didn't even know it until then." I heard them kiss just as we shut the door.


	4. Sleep

Sleep

Back in my bedroom that same night, I was resting on Edwards's chest while he stroked my hair.

"So, what did you think of Alice's story?"

I answered honestly, "It made me feel happy."

"Why, because of her and Jasper? It is incredible how they found each other like that." he mused.

"Yes that, but also because, I know that controlling myself won't be easy, but like Alice said, maybe if I just think of you and my family, things will get easier." I said.

Edward smiled and nodded his head, "Yes, that does help greatly, just think of why you have to control yourself. I think of Carlisle, how disappointed he would be, or of you, how hurt you would be, whenever I struggle. It will be interesting to see how good your self-control is, because you chose this life."

"Yeah. Her story made me not so apprehensive. Just excited now." Edward breathed in and out deeply.

"I wouldn't normally admit this to you, but Jasper sees right through me whenever the topic comes up. Honestly, I'm excited too." This made me happy beyond belief.

"You are!" I whispered.

"Yes, Bella. I know you're not turning back on your decision, and so now, I truly am excited. I love you. And I can't wait to be with you for eternity, Bella." I was too shocked to speak, and too filled with happiness. Edward chuckled at my facial expression and kissed the top of my head, "Go to sleep Bella, I will always love you."

And so I fell into sleep, with Edward's love in my heart.

**Thank you everyone for reading. I hope you enjoyed Alice's story from Bella's perspective. Please read my other stories! If you liked this, you'll like them, I promise.**


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